Co-creating
a New Reality for Battered Women and Their Children
The
Story of Karen Justice Guard
|
|
|
Karen and her Father celebrating
life.
Gary Justice 1937 - 1996
|
Today, I am living a magical life. I
become more whole and joyful every day. Once devastating
challenges are now my greatest joy for I am a vital,
healthy human being. I can love my children and others
because I love myself. Yes, I'm still a work in progress
as my service of helping others to empower themselves
unfolds. We need a different recovery system and a
true "fresh start". I am committed to doing my part
to make this truth a reality in everyday life.
|
My name
is Karen Justice Guard (yes, it's my real name!). I want
to tell you a part of my story. Not to perpetuate my victim
status (and it is a chosen status), but to use this situation
to become strong and victorious. To claim my own healing,
I have the opportunity to be of service to others in abusive
situations. I know that I have a life purpose. I have been
given many gifts - charisma, resilience, determination,
intelligence and compassion to name a few. I've come to
know that the greatest obstacles in myself can show me the
way to true happiness. I take responsibility for this story
- my life. I am committed to using my talents, insight and
gifts to make a difference in the recovery of those people
who are ready to step out of self -victimization and into
an empowered, joyful life. I hope that you will read my
story, not to find solace that there is another victim out
there and cry with me, but to experience the choice of hope
and empowerment. Join us and provide the opportunity to
heal yourself your children, or someone you love.
My
Story
When my brother-in-law, Kirk, heard me screaming,
he quickly rushed downstairs to help. My boyfriend was
attempting to stab me. Kirk lunged for the knife, and
I broke free. In terror and confusion, I blindly ran into
the dark night and plunged over a 30 foot cliff . In shock
and pain, I landed in a creek, my leg broken, body bruised,
and face battered. When Kirk screamed that he'd called
the police, my boyfriend fled.
No,
this wasn't the first time this had happened. Like most
victims of domestic violence, I had been through some
version of this horror many times. Truthfully, I can't
remember when it started.
I
dropped out of school in the tenth grade with no positive
sense of self. Most of my relationships were abusive ones.
By the time I was nineteen, alcohol and drugs were a part
of my life and I moved from one abusive relationship to
the next. I was riding on a fast train to self-destruction,
with no feeling of self-worth. I surrounded myself with
abusive men, drugs, alcohol, and anything else that might
take away the pain and fear of who I really was. (Or was
I really afraid of my true power?) Through the years,
I was motivated by rebellion, ignorance, fear and addiction.
Even
when I matured and met a man who could see my true human
potential, I didn't believe it myself. We traveled in
his world of high-powered business. He lavished me with
expensive gifts and helped my family to start businesses.
It was with his encouragement that I joined my first recovery
program. On the surface I appeared healed. Deep inside,
I was tormented by low self esteem and felt he was trying
to "fix" me or buy my love. It felt to me that most of
my family and friends wouldn't hear my story; they found
security in his generosity. My resentment grew. The recovery
system, money and security were not helping me to get
to the source of my problem. Soon I was taking the Jaguar
out to go pick up junkies and get high. Desperate, I finally
left and entered a hospital recovery program.
But
what did I do? I enrolled in a Twelve Step Program, met
another "prince charming", married and had two beautiful
children. I spent the next seven years in the "American
Dream"! Again, the patterns emerged and again I felt I
had to flee. This time, I was penniless and in debt with
two small children. As a single Mom on welfare, I cleaned
houses and again became active in Twelve Steps. I was
awakening to a trust in a Higher Power and outwardly let
go of substance and relationship abuse, but there was
still the shame and trap of poverty and welfare. I was
attending college but couldn't get back on my feet and
my family was still angry.
In
desperation, I reached out to my father, a former alcoholic
and successful entrepreneur. We opened a restaurant together.
So much was healed and we recovered together. The biggest
gift of my life was not what I expected. My dad died ten
months later. In the ten months we healed together, he
was able to see the woman I could become and I got to
see the man he truly was. My father had left me more than
an inheritance. He had given me a legacy. His dying words
to me were "Help the little people." He was referring
not only to my children but also the children of other
battered women. Did I have the courage, the education,
or the ability to help others?
I
was vulnerable and desperate for the healthy love I thought
I had lost so I jumped into a relationship. I was so sure
he was different. I no longer needed Twelve Steps. I had
such a desperate desire to be loved and I gave him my
all. I donated my time to his business as I tried to earn
his love. Instead, I again created an abusive relationship.
The arguments turned physical and, again, I had victimized
myself. This time it was not just me. My son and daughter
suffered as well, constantly bearing witness to the brutality.
I wasn't able to be there for them and their suffering
grew. One day, my son asked, "Mommy, how can you stay
with someone who beats you?" I saw the look of terror
in his eyes. I had to stop and say to myself, What am
I teaching my son? And what am I teaching my daughter?
I
summoned my courage, moved away from the abuse and turned
to the legal system for justice. But I was humiliated
in court and made to feel like the beatings were my fault.
Yet another tough gift from God! I knew I had to do something.
I would either self destruct or reclaim my human dignity.
I felt that I gave up and became empowered in the same
moment. Beyond my fear and self doubt, I knew I had a
mission, a soul purpose in the healing of battered women
and their children.
I
have created Safe Havens, a Foundation to benefit battered
women and their children. The details and opportunities
are outlined in other areas of this website. The main
message in my story is this:
- It
is your awakening, commitment and self love that awakens
the "Safe Havens" inside of you. Love yourself.
- Pray
for help as often as you need it.
- Remember
that you are capable, valuable and loved.
- Choose
to heal yourself and your children.
- Find
the people and programs that empower you to claim your
human dignity.
- Make
sure you are coming from a place of self love when making
every decision in your life.
- Know
when it is time to complete your healing by becoming
part of the solution, not the problem.
If
you feel a connection to the Little People's Products
and the Safe Havens Foundation, please call, write or
e-mail us.
info@littlepeople.org
We welcome your participation.
